“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”
George Carlin
“You're just as witty as you feel, just as witty as you feel inside.”
Rain Bojangles
“If I were to see the future and notice that I were alive at age of ninety, I would, at sixty, end it all before the possibility of adult diapers.”
Justin Murtey
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams
“From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”
Dr. Seuss
