(3583 quotes found)
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
George Carlin
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
Albert Einstein
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde
“If you can't convince them, confuse them.”
Harry S Truman
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”
Earl Wilson
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”
Emo Philips
